but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
