I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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