i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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