last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
