yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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