dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
