You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
