and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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