Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
