Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
did you just send me my own nude
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
