I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
