wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
