Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
