just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
