and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
