Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize