Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
