i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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