When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
