Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
