I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
