In the future we'll all be gay
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
