Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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