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His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
