I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
