You just made me feel so damn special
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
