Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
