??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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