i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
