Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
