i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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