We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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