I hate your face
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
