I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
