I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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