woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
