It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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