Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
