so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
