he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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