dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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