If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
