I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
