dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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