i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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