i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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