every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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