Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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