ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
