I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
