My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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