wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
