i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's always time for handjobs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
