I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
