Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
