may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
