AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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