he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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