I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
