I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize