I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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