You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
