yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
