I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have fence marks all over my body
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize