so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
