Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You ruined the universe
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
