1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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