I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
