Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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