watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
40s are totally the cure
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
