His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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