I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize