Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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