his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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