Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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