I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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