Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
