so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
