Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
